February 23, 2006
"My Beloved Monster & Me" is a song by the Eels, a favorite "group" (mostly one guy) of mine, and whose music I've always identified with Schuyler. If you don't like "My Beloved Monster", I can only imagine how you'll feel about "Beautiful Freak".
("You're such a beautiful freak. I wish there were more just like you. You're not like all of the others, and that is why I love you, beautiful freak, beautiful freak... Some people think you have a problem, but that problem lies only with them. Just 'cause you are not like the others. But that is why I love you, beautiful freak, beautiful freak...")
Schuyler is a beautiful freak. She's not like the others. She never will be, and she'll hear words like "freak" and "monster" one day. Those words will hurt her less if she already owns them. Some special needs parents need soft language like "handicapable" and "differently abled" to shield their sensitive children, and I understand some kids need that. I think the parents need it more, to be honest, but again, I understand why, completely.
Schuyler's different. She's also tough as nails. She rarely cries except in anger. She doesn't disobey on the major points very often, but in trivial matters, she delights in confounding us. She is a princess, and she is a turd. And the prettier she gets, the wilder she gets, too. She'll need that when she's older, and if there's one thing I'm confident of, it's that she'll have it. The first time someone calls her a freak, I hope she'll remember that she was a beautiful freak. If someone calls her a monster, maybe she'll remember that she was a beloved monster.
Or more likely, she'll pop someone in the mouth. That works, too.
She's feeling better this evening, after kind of a rough, pukey morning. Her nickname today has been Barfbag, which she thinks is pretty funny. I'd call her Barfbag, and she'd laugh and say "Noooooooooo!"
Holy crap, I love this kid.