Hey, you know how sometimes you just feel down? Like all the little bullshit life things just catch up to you all at once?
That's sort of how I'm feeling these days, on top of not physically doing as well as I want to be.
You know, I joke about being old, fat and drunk, and eating a bunch of crap, but the truth is that according to Dr. Hottie and the diabetes literature, I'm relatively young for diabetes, I only need to lose about twenty pounds, and my diet? Well, yeah, that was pretty bad, but I've never smoked and I haven't been a big drinker for a few years.
All of this is good in the sense that being old and fat is generally considered to be a Bad Thing. I'm no doctor, but ask any old fat person and I'll bet they'll tell you it sucks.
But the bad thing is that my diabetes is probably mostly due to genetics, according to my doctor. (And don't forget, she's hot, so you know she can be trusted.) My father died from his, despite the fact that he was slim and athletic, never smoked and drank only occasionally, in that Texas good ol' boy, "drink a beer while watching the ballgame" sort of way. He was the quarterback in high school and was a coach until the day he died, and yet his diabetes and his heart killed him at the age of 51.
My point is not to be all maudlin about my father (although I get that way this time of year, near the anniversary of his death), but rather to point out that if I were diabetic solely because of my unhealthy lifestyle, I could just change my lifestyle and go a long way towards getting healthy. This might be trickier than I thought, though. Changing the way I live is going to help, but it might not have the drastic improvement that I'm hoping for. Keeping my blood sugar down is hard, and it's not down where it should be by now, and I feel a little like I'm swimming upstream.
But I'll keep trying and keep eating better and exercising more and trying to stay positive about my own health even as I continue to try to help Schuyler (who's having some reading problems in school, as we always feared she would, although really, how do they know, you know?). And I'll try to stay positive about every other little personal thing that comes up in the same way they come up for every person in the world.
But I've got to tell you, just here lately, it's been wearing me down. It won't for long; I'm Chumbawamba, you know.