Sometimes I don't have words for the things that keep me up at night, the things that keep so many special needs parents awake, staring at the ceiling. Institutions that don't adequately value the amazing human beings they've been entrusted with. Voices from the outside tearing us down, in the guise of civic concern or advocacy or just plain ugliness. And most of all that wordless thing waiting in the future, the one that scares us most of all because we can't see it, we can't even imagine it, and when we ponder it, we are reminded of our own aging frailties and a clock that feels like it's running out far, far too fast. I don't always know what to say about these lurking phantoms and monsters. I'm struggling with them myself.